how do you discipline a 6-year old?

this question lingered on my mind as i made my way home from work today.

i received a call from my hubby that an incident had occured in school involving our 6-year old son. he slammed a door and in the process hurt the hand of a classmate. he claimed he didn't mean him no harm. the teacher claimed he did it on purpose.

with these two different information, my mind raced into different scenarios on how i should address the subject. i know that the confrontational approach will never work with my child - he will get very defensive and argue his case. so, i chose to be quiet when i came home - pretending i haven't heard or know anything at all.

coming home, i just went to my old routine of checking my posts, hung my clothes and went directly to the kitchen to get something cold to drink. as if in cue, my son came running to me from his playroom and threw a big hug wrapping his arms around my waist. we said hello to each other and i looked him straight into his bold innocent eyes and asked him what he would like to have for dinner. and quite frankly, i saw a very worried little boy ... it's like he's trying to gauge what i know, or he's probably trying to decide if he is to tell or not tell at all. while i was busy preparing food in the kitchen, he pretty much hang out with me striking small conversations now and then - still i did not say a thing about what i know had happened in school.

in the end, he came up to me and held my hand and said "i have something very important to tell you". i knew right there and then, my son will now break the "bad news" to me. so, i put aside what i was doing and sat with him in the dining room. with head bowed, he told me that he had been bad boy in school today - that his mischief caused someone harm, he said he was sorry.

for a 6-year old, saying sorry is as easy as asking for an ice cream. but the word in itself would sometimes lose its meaning when it is being said repeatedly, especially for the same mistakes they do time and again. for a mischief that resulted bodily harm on another child, how does one address the problem? how do you reprimand a 6-year old for that? how do you discipline a child as young as 6-year old? most parents take their time to instill discipline and good behaviour unt their child - what gets absorbed in their little playful minds is another thing. or rather, how much of every parent's wisdom get through in their system in understanding what is right or wrong.

my 6-year old - bless him for his truthfulness, confessed that he slammed the cloakroom door that it hit the hand of another child in the process. i cringed at the thought of that small hand between the door and the panel. i asked him what made him do that ... didn't he looked first before closing the door? didn't he see his classmate's hand? does he know how much that would hurt? did he know that such an accident could result to more harm than just pain? that the other boy could lose his fingers? - well, i exaggerated this one a little bit.

looking at his sad innocent face, i realised he doesn't really understand the consequence of his actions. he was silent for a long time and simply said he will say sorry to his classmate and give him a hug tomorrow. i told him that it's a good idea, but sometimes, sorry is just not enough. again, he showed this blank look on his face - confused and not really understanding what i mean. to be able for him to understand the graveness of what he did, we went to the kitchen together and showed him the pantry door. i opened it, put a toothpick on the side of the panel and closed the door - the toothpick snapped. picking up the toothpick, i gave it to my 6-year old son and told him that it could have been his friend's fingers. then it struck him and he cried - suddenly, he understood why sorry is just not enough.

he was silent throughout dinner ... there were no words exchanged between us. he knew both his mom and dad were disappointed with his behaviour. before he went to bed tonight, he said his goodnight to his dad and whispered something in his ear. and then, when i tucked him in, he gave me a big hug and kissed me goodnight saying "mommy, i want you to be proud of me. so, tomorrow i will give ricky (the classmate) a big hug and tell him how very sorry i am. ." - what a thing to say .. it made my heart jumped. i told him that mom and dad love him, no matter what.

think about it, my 6-year old learned something today ... i just hope that he will remember this day and whatever it is that he learned from this experience.

postscript:
i asked my hubby what was it whispered to his ear ... he said that our 6-year old apologised for his bad behaviour today and said he loves his dad "thousand million times". my heart melted ... we sure are proud of him in our own little way.